Battle Scars

There are reasons to why people give the advice of never do what doesn't make you happy. Happiness is a rare and treasured thing. Without it you are just a shell being pushed by the waves and swells of life.
Everyday you are tested and challenged. Once you feel you have passed then comes another & another till you just feel like whats the point. But you must persevere through the tribulations. Many a time I believed I failed only to be blessed with what I longed for. For years I yearned for that brass ring that seemed so far till this past October when I was at my lowest I reached up & grabbed it & I will never let go. Finally happiness but alas it didn't last long... My trials at work I have documented but I must take you back to '05 for you to understand why my heart pains for a job most wouldn't give 2 shits about.

Back in '05 I was living at home, recent Baruch grad, unemployed but very much in love. So in love was I that the dreaded M word danced in my head. Yes marriage. Now the upstanding gentleman that my mother raised me to be I knew that I had to do right by my future bride. Cant get married sleeping on a twin bed can you? So I pursued employment with all the time I had. I mean trips to LI everyday for interviews, combing the job sites all cuz I had a ring to buy& to find a place for me & mine. One day I went up to Baruch to see my beloved and my boy told me of the employment he just secured. Salary, commission, benefits - all that a husband needs. The company JPMorgan Chase. So I went to this interview like all the others, confident & assure. Met the Branch Manager (hell of a lady) then the District Manager (big time douche). I still remember that day, I was asked to sell him my watch & by the end he was trying to take it off my wrist. Job secured, got my girl - happy. Fast forward a lil - training done but girl lost. Sent to a my branch in Greenpoint for my 1st official day. From day one I had to deal with trails from racism to people not liking me cuz I tell it how it is. When the racism came to light I was asked if I wanted a transfer but the loyal dude I am I said no cuz I would have been abandoning the one person who allowed me to get my life on track. I mean cuz she chose me I was able to increase my savings 9 fold. I'm talking low 4 figures to high 6 figures. As time went on I increasingly got happy again- women here & there but I was able to do anything I wanted, buy what I want & get my place.

Fast forward to '09... economic downturn leads to Chase changing focus. They say they out to help the customer but its all about dollars. Again chance to leave but I stay cuz my loyalty comes into play. By this time I have a core of customers that depend on me. I have helped so many people either set their lives up or turn it around that I get thanked to this day from 3 years ago. Should I look at these people as dollar signs? If there's no commission should I just chuck em from my desk. That's not me. I took this job cuz I wanted to make a difference in peoples lives & I feel I have. Now full circle cuz I'm being targeted by a racist manager who will stop at nothing till all the minorities are out. I returned from vacation 10/23 to find out she was actually telling my co-workers she wanted me out. I mean WTF...

From family members with life threatening diseases to getting arrested to an abortion to almost losing that special girl '09 started rough & progressively gotten worse & now I may start '10 outta work... No bueno
But through this all I have had the admiration & well wishes of many close to me that have kept me sane. I stay strong for them cuz we equally need each other & I cant be selfish by abandoning them... I am battle tested & I will win out in the end.....